Kissing. Lips. Mushy stuff.
Disclaimer: My Facebook newsfeed is bubbling over with all types of shared articles on all types of topics.
Disclaimer 2: I am a curious person.
Recently, I read an article titled, “5 Types of Kisses You Should Do More Often With Your Girl”. I found it humorous that someone sat down and identified five (not one, five!) types of kisses that the male partner in the relationship should instigate.
The concept of kissing probably isn’t foreign to anyone reading this article today. There are articles detailing the researched health benefits of kissing. There are youtube tutorials on how to kiss. There are forums and discussion boards where people look for kissing advice.
Being a hardcore believer in Animal Farm equality:
(“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others”. That type of equality that means we are equals unless my bags are too heavy…… ),
I decided to sit down and identify five (not one, five) types of kisses that anyone-regardless of gender, ethnicity, or height- could have more often.
So today, I am going to share with you the 5 types of kisses you should definitely have more often.
1) The Kiss Cake:
Now, I’ve been in Trinidad for two years and I can tell you – kiss cakes are delicious. Decadent and sweet, kiss cakes come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I secretly visit the Kiss Bakery in Curepe whenever I want to savor some creamy cheesecake or bite into a rich double chocolate cake.
Why should you have this type of Kiss more often?
Because your taste buds want to be rewarded. Don’t refuse them the pleasure they deserve.
2) The Holy Kiss
Apparently, in New Testament times, the holy kiss was a sign of greeting, very much like the modern handshake (which, in retrospect, is inherently mundane!).
Bring back the holy kiss! The next time you go to church and they sing: “Let us greet somebody in Jesus’ name…Let us tell them that we love, in Jesus’ name….”, walk up to a brother or sister and give them that holy smackaroon.
Keep it clean guys.
3) The Kiss of Life:
What do you do when someone has collapsed or is not breathing? You give them the ‘kiss of life’ of course! Ladies, now is not the time to be shy. Someone’s life could be depending on you.
Currently, CPR training involves giving patients 30 quick chest compressions, and then two breaths of air blown into the lungs, known as the ‘kiss of life’.
It is important to note that while the ‘Kiss of Life’ is effective after drowning or choking, researchers such as Dr. Gordon Ewy say that it is not suitable for cardiac arrests.
Even though many complain about “The Kiss of Life” because of its blatant ‘Yuck’ factor, everyone should learn how to perform this very important kiss. Be ready for every situation.
4) The Platonic Cheek Kiss
How chaste. How sweet. How platonic.
This type of kiss is very brief- no lingering allowed. The University strongly discourages forms of PDA (Public Displays of Affection). This type of kiss is friendly enough to be- well, friendly!
The beauty of this type of kiss is that you do not even need to make physical contact! There is no need to worry about those pesky germs crawling about.
Simply go close to the person, place your cheek very close to theirs and kiss the air!
How chaste. How sweet. How platonic.
5) The Sympathetic Forehead Kiss
There comes a time when the friend closest to us has a depressing day.
Maybe they got an A- instead of an A.
Maybe their dog is sick.
Maybe their twist outs didn’t come out right.
This kiss is reserved for when a sympathizing hug just isn’t enough. But don’t just give them away! They will become less special.
Usually when you perform the sympathetic forehead kiss, your friend stops sobbing incessantly and instead focuses on how good it feels to be loved.
….. It’s like a magic trick really.
Now that we’ve gone through the 5 acceptable kisses you should have more often, look out for opportunities to utilize your newly found set of skills.
What do YOU think? What types of kisses should we definitely have more often?