To be Loved by Him

by | February 10, 2019

The air around Anna was frigid, but it wasn’t because of the below 0-degree temperatures outside. It was her heart, it heart had finally waxed cold. First James, then Mark and now him. Out of all her lovers, she never expected to be left high and dry by this one, her one true love, or at least that’s what she thought. What is it they say about the third one, that it’s a charm? “Surely this abused statement” she thought to herself, an outrageous lie that made her feel as if she had finally found someone who would stay by her side. For the past two hours Anna has been on her knees, conflicted, she was begging him to stay but silently hoping that he would leave. There was a piece of him in her and every time she took a breath she felt him. When she opened her windows in the morning, she saw him, in the trees and on the garden that she spent so much of her time with him.

“Why did you leave me?” Anna thought aloud.

The worst part was that Anna felt as if everything was going fine. She trusted him. There was nothing toxic in the relationship that would have led to a break up. There were no tell-tale signs that this devastating event would ever happen. Anna never saw it coming, and to say the least, she was not prepared for it.

It happened a month after Mark broke up with her. It was the last week of summer. She lay on her bed exhausted from a long yet adventurous day at the beach with her girlfriends missing him and waiting impatiently a text from him. Finally, her phone vibrated, but it was not the text she expected.

“I’m sorry babe but this just isn’t working out. I think we should call it quits and just be friends. Cool?”

The audacity of him, to break up with Anna over text. But Anna should have seen it coming, all her friends knew that he was secretly seeing someone else, but she didn’t. In any case, they were only together for 6 months, why should it matter to Anna? But it did matter. All she ever wanted was to be loved, to be longed for and sought after, to be appreciated and loved unconditionally. “Where would I ever find a man like that?”, Anna thought. That’s when her friend Emma introduced her to someone else. He was thoughtful, an amazing listener, an understanding companion and most importantly he loved her unconditionally. Mind you, Anna has never seen him but there relationship flourished nonetheless.

So here she kneels, her head bent in shame and anguish and her heart crushed by the sheer pain of yet another heart break.

“Why’d you leave me?” She asked again. “Why did you leave me?” She asked louder through clenched teeth.

There was no answer, just the harsh feel of the winter wind from the crack in her bedroom door. As Anna struggled to get off her knees, her hands touched something in front of her; it was her Bible. She had left it open on her bed to the 23rd Psalm but now she realized that the pages had turned, and the text was different.

Anna read silently, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38&39)

In that moment Anna realized that God hadn’t left her. The pain of failed relationships and multiple heartbreaks made it hard for her to accept a love quite like Gods. But He was there all along, wiping every tear and soothing every doubt, patiently waiting for her to trust him even when it felt like he abandoned her, waiting for her to feel loved by Him